wedding gifts you really

MSN Money - Get the wedding gifts you really want MSN Home My MSN Hotmail Shopping Money People & Chat Sign In W eb Search: Money S earch MSN Money: Help Home News Banking Investing Planning Taxes My Money Portfolio Loans Insurance Planning Home Retirement Savings Insurance Family/College Resources Decision Centers Commentary Index More Tools Related Links My Accounts Message Boards Print-friendly version Send this to a friend Get market news by e-mail See if refinancing works Personal finance bookshelf Find It! Article Index Finance Q&A Tools Index Site map Related Sites Association of Bridal Consultants The Honeymoon Casa de Oro Travel wedding registry Honeymoonforyou.com HoneyLuna.com The Basics Get the wedding gifts you really want advertisement Traditional registries can prevent you from getting 5 identical bun warmers. But some couples really want camping gear, home down payments or honeymoon contributions. What would Miss Manners say? By MP Dunleavey It's relatively rare these days for people to get married right after graduating from college. The average age for first marriage among women has risen steadily to more than 25, from less than 21 in 1970; for men, the average is now more than 27. My fianc and I were about a decade or so past our mid-20s when we got married recently, and like a lot of people, we had accumulated a lot of stuff during our unmarried years. The last thing we wanted was more stuff. At least that's how we felt when we considered doing the standard newlywed thing: i.e. registering for china, linens, monogrammed silver, matching PDAs and a small, well-behaved child. Nah. What we wanted, more than anything, given the stress of modern wedding planning, was to go lie on a beach somewhere and pretend we were still happily dating. Don't let retirement sneak up on you. Create a perfect plan. But like most couples we found the cost of the wedding taxing enough -- even though our parents did pay for most of it. There was no way we could afford a honeymoon, too. So we got this crazy idea. If our loved ones would be willing to shell out for glassware and new pots, would it be terrible -- crass, rude, self-serving -- to ask for contributions toward what we really wanted? Financial wedding etiquette To be honest, I've never liked the idea of a traditional registry. No matter how fancy the store (or your china pattern), you're basically telling guests what to buy you. Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, pointed out in a recent column that commercial gift registries used to be kept ONLY in the event that customers inquired about a bride's china or silver pattern. Now, she says, all sentiment is being stripped from the gift-giving tradition. People turn to registries, she says, "to put generosity under the control of its beneficiaries." And, she concludes sternly: "These practices are no less vulgar for having become commonplace." Her point is well-taken. Some couples seem to equate "getting married" with "shopping spree" and use the registry system to shamelessly upgrade every item in their home. On the other hand, there is a financial reality that cannot be avoided. Custom dictates that a gift must be bought, so for most people the financial sanity (and sheer convenience) of bridal registries outweighs the inherent crudeness of this system. Guests don't waste their money buying gifts couples don't want or can't use. Couples get what they need, so they don't have to buy it themselves. Stuff -- who needs it? Increasingly, says Peggy Post, author of "Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette by Peggy Post", many couples would rather skip the stuff anyway. "So many couples come to the marriage with so many things," she says, noting that 40% of marriages are "encore," i.e. repeat, unions, for one or both partners. "These days you see people registering for all kinds of non-traditional items." Among them: camping gear, a down payment for a house, stock certificates and, yes! . . . the honeymoon. According to the Association of Bridal Consultants (see link at left), a wedding guest will spend an average of $85 on a gift. The average cost of a honeymoon is about $4,000. If a couple has no need for flatware and linens, why not encourage guests to contribute to a honeymoon registry like thehoneymoon.com, casadeorotravel.com, honeymoonforyou.com or honeyluna.com? Guests can contribute to airfare, romantic dinners, massages, picnics, guided tours, etc. To drool over a sample registry for a honeymoon in Hawaii, click on the link at left under Honeymoonforyou.com. For one in Greece, click at left under HoneyLuna.com. And to send in contributions for my honeymoon, click . . . oh, never mind. The etiquette of alternative registries Peggy Post, the great-granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post, thinks using these offbeat registries can be fine "with a big IF attached." Here's some guidance: 1) Wait until you're asked. It's impolite (and annoying) to include a card announcing where you're registered. Wait for guests to inquire, and let the word spread discreetly through friends and family. "Let your parents, siblings, wedding party and close friends know -- IF they've asked," suggests Bobbie Izeman, a bridal consultant and advice columnist for blushing-brides.com. "But don't announce it in a formal way." 2) Do not dictate. As Miss Manners points out, a gift, above all, is a gift. It is not up to you to decide what your guests should give, no matter how badly you want contributions to your down payment, help with your airfare or even traditional items like cookware. "You should leave your guests the option to give you what they want," agrees Post. 3) Say thank you. It may seem obvious, but sending a prompt, enthusiastic thank you note -- for every gift, no matter what the gift -- is essential. "The key thing is to remember to be appreciative," says Post. The honeymoon fund Since we didn't know about these honeymoon registries a few months ago, my fianc and I set up our own impromptu "honeymoon fund." We made a small gaffe by alluding to it in the instruction sheet for our weekend wedding (oops!), but it was in the context of asking guests please not to give presents. Apparently, that is also a faux pas (eek!), but we hadn't consulted all these etiquette experts then. To our surprise, a small number of friends (and a couple of relatives) protested. They wanted to get us A Real Gift. I can say with some relief that at least we handled that properly -- encouraging people to give whatever sort of gift they wanted. And they did. We got a lovely mix of gifts and honeymoon fund contributions. Just enough so that we can restore our sanity on some sandy shore -- without going into a penny of debt. What greater wedding gift could there be? Editor's Choice 3 legal papers you can't live without Your own business, your tax shelter Brush: The 5 most overpaid CEOs Are seniors gambling away retirement? Cut your taxes by going solar Readers' Choice Ratings Top 5 Articles 9.34 Zombie debt collectors dig up your old mistakes 9.33 10 ways to stop identity theft cold 9.31 10 ways to avoid outrageous hospital overcharges 9.22 The tricks and traps of debt consolidation 9.17 Safeguard your Social Security number View all top rated articles More Resources · E-mail us your comments on this article · Post on the Your Money message board · Get a daily dose of market news S earch MSN Money tips advertisement MSN Money's editorial goal is to provide a forum for personal finance and investment ideas. 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Jewelry Gift Box Articles

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Gifts For Men Gifts

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Shower Gifts Articles Top

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Congratulations to the winners of the Monthly Giveaway Congratulations to past Giveaway Winners: August 2005: Ms. Margaret E. Blood, Bridgewater, NJ $100 Target Gift Card Ms. Luanna M. Dorsett, Mount Gilead, NC $100 Staples Gift Card Ms. Leslie L. Gates, Waynesboro, PA $100 Staples Gift Card Ms. Mae G. Martin, Gainesville, GA $100 Target Gift Card Ms. Dianna K. Wright, Terre Haute, IN $100 Staples Gift Card July 2005: Ms. Gail L. Lyons, Nutley, NJ Bose Wave Radio June 2005: Ms. Gina Byrd, Knoxville, TN Weber Charcoal Grill with accessories Ms. Dawn M. Dougherty, Barnegat, NJ Weber Charcoal Grill with accessories Ms. Maureen Tarantino, Fair Lawn, NJ Weber Charcoal Grill with accessories May 2005: Ms. Chaerea Denning, Nashville, TN Alamo 7-Day Car Rental Certificate Ms. Nancy Andorko, Delran, NJ Alamo 7-Day Car Rental Certificate Ms. Deborah Kropf, Kendall Park, NJ Alamo 4-Day Car Rental Certificate Ms. Mary Cash, Cushing, OK Hertz $100 Car Rental Certificate Ms. Dawn Carpenter, Spokane, WA Hertz $100 Car Rental Certificate April 2005: Mr. Glynne Jones, Katy, TX “NEA Getaway” Vacation Package, 4-Day Alamo Car Rental, and Luggage March 2005: Ms. Jane Barrett, Champaign, IL Classic Gift Basket Ms. Christina Elliott, High Ridge, MO Classic Gift Basket Mr. Anthony McIver, Mc Rae, GA Classic Gift Basket Ms. Stephanie Yusman, Ballwin, MO Classic Gift Basket February 2005: Mrs. Kay Roberts, Red Springs, NC 4-Day Trip to Washington, DC January 2005: Ms. Kathleen Chirpich, Overland Park, KS $200 U.S. Savings Bonds Ms. Sandra Krupa, Bentleyville, PA $200 U.S. Savings Bonds Ms. Mary Stone, Lake St. Louis, MO $200 U.S. Savings Bonds December 2004: Ms. Maria Ammerata, Sayreville, NJ Deluxe Reference Set Ms. Debra Cox, Spokane, WA Deluxe Reference Set Ms. Evelyn Swegheimer, Alliance, OH Deluxe Reference Set Ms. Carolyn Current, Ozark, MO NEA Cellular Phone Ms. Adriana Fletes, McKinney, TX NEA Cellular Phone Ms. Suzanne McKaig, Wichita, KS NEA Cellular Phone November 2004: Ms. Brenda Fugett, Middletown, OH $100 Target Gift Card Ms. Angela McCarron, Bogota, NJ $100 Target Gift Card Ms. Lisa Stearns, St. Peters, MO $100 Target Gift Card Mr. Brian Allred, Sellersburg, IN $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Mr. Chuck Brickman, Wickliffe, OH $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Mary Butts, Dublin, OH $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Mr. James Conyers, Chicago, IL $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Kerry DiGiacinto, West Orange, NJ $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Stephanie Ginder, Fredericksburg, VA $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Altise Harris, Wilson, NC $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Irleny Insuasti, Pembroke Pines, FL $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Robin Richee, Florissant, MO $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate Ms. Brenda Valentine, Edgard, LA $50 NEA Magazine Service Gift Certificate October 2004: Ms. Kaz M. Wright, New Brunswick, NJ Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom School Adventure September 2004: Ms. Christine Bahr, Janesville, WI Teacher Gift Pack Mr. Jacob Barr, Gastonia, NC Teacher Gift Pack Miss Kelly Brown, Cherryville, NC Teacher Gift Pack Mr. Philip Buley, Cornwall, VT Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Edie Butler, Jackson, TN Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Carla Edwards, Plattsburgh, NY Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Susan Farnsworth, Idaho Falls, ID Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Madeline Gottemoeller, New Haven, MO Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Nancy Hackendorn, Newark, DE Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Lisa Ison, Murfreesboro, TN Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Alyson Jones, Kansas City, MO Teacher Gift Pack Dick Knight, Boise, ID Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Amber Konert, Fredonia, NY Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Kathleen Mambourg, Mansfield, OH Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Patti O’Brien, Parlin, NJ Teacher Gift Pack Mr. John Orsulak, Tulsa, OK Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Sally Porter, Colgate, WI Teacher Gift Pack Mr. Ronald Rasp, Alabaster, AL Teacher Gift Pack Mr. Lee Safian, New Milford, NJ Teacher Gift Pack Mr. Robert Schlim, Spokane, WA Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Deedrah Simmons, Reedsville, OH Teacher Gift Pack Mr. David Staat, St. Louis, MO Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Kaarin Schumacher, St. Paul Park, MN Teacher Gift Pack Mr. Jason Van Zee, Springville, IA Teacher Gift Pack Ms. Carol-Jean Whitt, Fairfield, OH Teacher Gift Pack