wedding gifts you really

MSN Money - Get the wedding gifts you really want MSN Home My MSN Hotmail Shopping Money People & Chat Sign In W eb Search: Money S earch MSN Money: Help Home News Banking Investing Planning Taxes My Money Portfolio Loans Insurance Planning Home Retirement Savings Insurance Family/College Resources Decision Centers Commentary Index More Tools Related Links My Accounts Message Boards Print-friendly version Send this to a friend Get market news by e-mail See if refinancing works Personal finance bookshelf Find It! Article Index Finance Q&A Tools Index Site map Related Sites Association of Bridal Consultants The Honeymoon Casa de Oro Travel wedding registry Honeymoonforyou.com HoneyLuna.com The Basics Get the wedding gifts you really want advertisement Traditional registries can prevent you from getting 5 identical bun warmers. But some couples really want camping gear, home down payments or honeymoon contributions. What would Miss Manners say? By MP Dunleavey It's relatively rare these days for people to get married right after graduating from college. The average age for first marriage among women has risen steadily to more than 25, from less than 21 in 1970; for men, the average is now more than 27. My fianc and I were about a decade or so past our mid-20s when we got married recently, and like a lot of people, we had accumulated a lot of stuff during our unmarried years. The last thing we wanted was more stuff. At least that's how we felt when we considered doing the standard newlywed thing: i.e. registering for china, linens, monogrammed silver, matching PDAs and a small, well-behaved child. Nah. What we wanted, more than anything, given the stress of modern wedding planning, was to go lie on a beach somewhere and pretend we were still happily dating. Don't let retirement sneak up on you. Create a perfect plan. But like most couples we found the cost of the wedding taxing enough -- even though our parents did pay for most of it. There was no way we could afford a honeymoon, too. So we got this crazy idea. If our loved ones would be willing to shell out for glassware and new pots, would it be terrible -- crass, rude, self-serving -- to ask for contributions toward what we really wanted? Financial wedding etiquette To be honest, I've never liked the idea of a traditional registry. No matter how fancy the store (or your china pattern), you're basically telling guests what to buy you. Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, pointed out in a recent column that commercial gift registries used to be kept ONLY in the event that customers inquired about a bride's china or silver pattern. Now, she says, all sentiment is being stripped from the gift-giving tradition. People turn to registries, she says, "to put generosity under the control of its beneficiaries." And, she concludes sternly: "These practices are no less vulgar for having become commonplace." Her point is well-taken. Some couples seem to equate "getting married" with "shopping spree" and use the registry system to shamelessly upgrade every item in their home. On the other hand, there is a financial reality that cannot be avoided. Custom dictates that a gift must be bought, so for most people the financial sanity (and sheer convenience) of bridal registries outweighs the inherent crudeness of this system. Guests don't waste their money buying gifts couples don't want or can't use. Couples get what they need, so they don't have to buy it themselves. Stuff -- who needs it? Increasingly, says Peggy Post, author of "Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette by Peggy Post", many couples would rather skip the stuff anyway. "So many couples come to the marriage with so many things," she says, noting that 40% of marriages are "encore," i.e. repeat, unions, for one or both partners. "These days you see people registering for all kinds of non-traditional items." Among them: camping gear, a down payment for a house, stock certificates and, yes! . . . the honeymoon. According to the Association of Bridal Consultants (see link at left), a wedding guest will spend an average of $85 on a gift. The average cost of a honeymoon is about $4,000. If a couple has no need for flatware and linens, why not encourage guests to contribute to a honeymoon registry like thehoneymoon.com, casadeorotravel.com, honeymoonforyou.com or honeyluna.com? Guests can contribute to airfare, romantic dinners, massages, picnics, guided tours, etc. To drool over a sample registry for a honeymoon in Hawaii, click on the link at left under Honeymoonforyou.com. For one in Greece, click at left under HoneyLuna.com. And to send in contributions for my honeymoon, click . . . oh, never mind. The etiquette of alternative registries Peggy Post, the great-granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post, thinks using these offbeat registries can be fine "with a big IF attached." Here's some guidance: 1) Wait until you're asked. It's impolite (and annoying) to include a card announcing where you're registered. Wait for guests to inquire, and let the word spread discreetly through friends and family. "Let your parents, siblings, wedding party and close friends know -- IF they've asked," suggests Bobbie Izeman, a bridal consultant and advice columnist for blushing-brides.com. "But don't announce it in a formal way." 2) Do not dictate. As Miss Manners points out, a gift, above all, is a gift. It is not up to you to decide what your guests should give, no matter how badly you want contributions to your down payment, help with your airfare or even traditional items like cookware. "You should leave your guests the option to give you what they want," agrees Post. 3) Say thank you. It may seem obvious, but sending a prompt, enthusiastic thank you note -- for every gift, no matter what the gift -- is essential. "The key thing is to remember to be appreciative," says Post. The honeymoon fund Since we didn't know about these honeymoon registries a few months ago, my fianc and I set up our own impromptu "honeymoon fund." We made a small gaffe by alluding to it in the instruction sheet for our weekend wedding (oops!), but it was in the context of asking guests please not to give presents. Apparently, that is also a faux pas (eek!), but we hadn't consulted all these etiquette experts then. To our surprise, a small number of friends (and a couple of relatives) protested. They wanted to get us A Real Gift. I can say with some relief that at least we handled that properly -- encouraging people to give whatever sort of gift they wanted. And they did. We got a lovely mix of gifts and honeymoon fund contributions. Just enough so that we can restore our sanity on some sandy shore -- without going into a penny of debt. What greater wedding gift could there be? Editor's Choice 3 legal papers you can't live without Your own business, your tax shelter Brush: The 5 most overpaid CEOs Are seniors gambling away retirement? Cut your taxes by going solar Readers' Choice Ratings Top 5 Articles 9.34 Zombie debt collectors dig up your old mistakes 9.33 10 ways to stop identity theft cold 9.31 10 ways to avoid outrageous hospital overcharges 9.22 The tricks and traps of debt consolidation 9.17 Safeguard your Social Security number View all top rated articles More Resources · E-mail us your comments on this article · Post on the Your Money message board · Get a daily dose of market news S earch MSN Money tips advertisement MSN Money's editorial goal is to provide a forum for personal finance and investment ideas. Our articles, columns, message board posts and other features should not be construed as investment advice, nor does their appearance imply an endorsement by Microsoft of any specific security or trading strategy. An investor's best course of action must be based on individual circumstances. © 2005 Microsoft MSN Privacy Legal Advertise Feedback Help

Shower Gifts Decorations &

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Skidmore College - Gift Planning - Life Income - Breaking News Search | Calendar | A-Z Index Thu Sep 22 5:37 PM EDT Skidmore Home | Admissions | Current Students | Faculty & Staff | Parents & Friends | Alumni Wills and Bequests Life Income Gifts More Gift Options Breaking News To Honor Donors Bring Legacy to Life! Scribner House Contact Our Staff Gift Planning Home STANDARD MAIL 815 North Broadway Saratoga Springs, New York, 12866 GIFT PLANNING PHONE 518-580-5655 E-MAIL CONTACT Gift Planning Gift Planning Breaking News DONORS CALL THE SHOTS ON GIFT INVESTMENT Skidmore College is pleased to be one of the country's first charitable organizations to offer the Donor Managed Investment account (DMI), an exciting new charitable giving vehicle. This is an opportunity for donors to leverage their gifts for better return and greater good. The DMI concept enables donors or their financial advisors to manage the investment of their contributions after the gift is made to Skidmore, while receiving the immediate income tax charitable deduction. Unlike a "donor-advised fund," the DMI does not limit investment choices to a relative few alternatives. Rather, the DMI program allows donors to follow their own preferred investment strategies, including equities, fixed income, mutual funds, and possibly alternative investments. In consultation with Skidmore, a donor would gift funds into a DMI account, under the ownership of Skidmore College. A mutually signed program agreement authorizes the donor to direct the investment management of the funds for an agreed-upon period of time. At the conclusion of that period, the proceeds are applied to the use defined by the donor in the agreement. There is no fee associated with a DMI account. Rather, Skidmore pays a licensing and service fee to the DMI administrator, Winklevoss Consultants. Mark J. Rakov, Skidmore Class of 1979, is senior managing director for Winklevoss Consultants and was instrumental in getting the DMI program up and running for the college. To learn more about this and other charitable arrangements available at Skidmore, please call Don Blunk, director of Gift Planning (518) 580-5655, or send an email to giftplanning@skidmore.edu . Simply click on the link from this webpage. Bring Legacy to Life! Philanthropy • Legacy • Security The Office of Gift Planning urges donors to consult their legal and other professional advisors when considering charitable gift giving. Our staff is always pleased to work directly with donors and their advisors during the process. Creative Thought Matters. Skidmore College · 815 North Broadway · Saratoga Springs, NY · 12866 Skidmore College Main Links ©2005 Skidmore College · Contact Information Skidmore Home | Admissions | Current Students | Faculty & Staff | Parents & Friends | Alumni