gifts for women. At
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My Word's Worth - choosing gifts for women My Word's Worth: a weekly column by Marylaine Block vol. 3 #21, November 21, 1997 ADVICE FOR DESPERATE MEN The XTC song "The World's Full of Angry Young Men" is running through my head, but the words attached to the music are "The mall's full of desperate men." As it gets closer to Christmas, the population of the mall starts changing. Early on women and teenagers predominate, but over time, there are more and more lost-looking men with that deer-caught-in-the-headlights inward-looking stare--the natural prey of eager shopkeepers who know they can sell these men absolutely anything. The problem is, of course, that when the world's tasks got divvied up by genders, women got to be the gift-givers. By and large this works out quite nicely -- at least until men need to find gifts for women. At this point, many of you are utterly clueless. You sense that whatever you give is freighted with symbolic meaning, but you have no idea what that meaning IS. You strongly suspect this is one of those little tests women put men through that you can't possibly win -- give us nothing at all, and be forever written off as insensitive dolts, or give us the wrong things and be forever written off as insensitive dolts. But we're not actually all THAT hard to please. Here are a few hints. Part of the symbolic value is that you remembered at all. So even if you screw up and select something fairly hopeless (crotchless panties are generally a mistake), we WILL give you credit for trying. After all, we have years of practice thanking little boys who give us footballs for our birthdays -- we understand that he thinks this is the finest gift anyone could ever receive. The malls are trying to sell you stuff for generic females, jewelry and perfume and nice-smelling expensive soaps and moisturizers and such, but she is NOT generic. She is a specific person with specific tastes that, yes, you should have noticed by now (and if you haven't, start looking at her closely). Don't buy earrings for her if you can't remember seeing her wearing earrings. If she does, does she like discreet little buttons, or splashy dangling ones? Show her that you pay attention to her unique interests and preferences. For example, my only real concession to feminine stuff is pretty scarves, fastened with a cat pin; anyone who gave me either a scarf or a cat pin would know that the gift will be appreciated on two levels: I'll wear it and enjoy it, and I'll be pleased that you paid attention to what I like. A gift should also indicate that you pay attention to what she says, or cares about. If she's a save-the-whales sort of person, a little gold whale charm on a chain would be a delightful present. If she couldn't stop looking at the Degas ballerina in the art museum, check out the art museum gift shop for an inexpensive print, or even Degas notecards. Did she cry her way through The Little Mermaid ? You could get her a video of it. Is she never quite warm enough? How about a pretty crocheted shawl to drape around her shoulders? Does she adore Andrew Lloyd Webber? There must be a production of his playing somewhere that you can take her to. A gift doesn't need to be expensive if it conveys the basic message, "I know who you are and I love that in you." Avoid vacuum cleaners and toaster-ovens and sewing machines, no matter how much she may actually need one. What we want is permission to stop being efficient and hardworking for a while and simply feel treasured. (Even the most competent women want to feel protected and taken care of by their menfolk.) If you're a man who understands what clothes look good on her, and you know what size she wears, you can buy her a great outfit. The implied message is "You're a damn good-looking woman, and I love to see you looking well-turned out." Of course, if, like my son, you think an orange shirt with red shorts is a nifty combination, you should avoid this route. One of the nicest gifts is your time. Arrange for someone else to take care of the kids, and take her off somewhere where you can pay uninterrupted attention to her, and she to you. There aren't enough hours in the day for us to do our work, take care of the kids, take care of our own needs, and still keep a relationship fresh. Give her time off from responsibilities and routine, and use the time to renew the romance. And whatever else you give her, add the gift of words. Tell her why you chose it specially for her. You wouldn't believe what a sucker we are for words like "This was so elegant it made me think of you," or "It reminded me of the music we danced to on our first date." If you could live your life again and you'd still fall in love with her, tell her that. Better yet, tell her that in writing. There's a reason we keep old love letters and mementos -- it's so we can read them over and over again when times are tough, and we're not getting through to each other, and we're trying to remember why it was we wanted the relationship to keep going. So go ahead, guys. Venture out into the cold and brave the alien territory of the shopping malls and exquisite little boutiques. All you have to do is remember who she is and what you love about her and what she cares about (besides you). Remember: Earth girls are easy. You get points for trying. And with these helpful hints in mind, you might pass the test this time around. Heck, you might even get an A. My Word's Worth Archive Current column Marylaine.com/ home to all my other writing NOTE: My thinking is always a work in progress. You could mentally insert all my columns in between these two sentences: "This is something I've been thinking about," and "Does this make any sense to you?" I welcome your thoughts. Please send your comments about these columns to: marylaine at netexpress.net. Since I've written a lot of these, some of them many years ago, help me out by telling me which column you're referring to. I'll write columns here whenever I really want to share an idea with you and can find time to write them . If you want to be notified when a new one is up, send me an e-mail and include "My Word's Worth" in the subject line.
Gift Ideas
Gift Ideas Catalog Home : Catalog Welcome to our catalog page. Here you can find doorways that lead directly into all of our product categories. This page will provide you with easy access to our wonderful array of products that are designed to delight the senses. Categories that are listed with bold font contain one or more sub-categories. Sub-categories may not be listed on this page. Bookmark this page to make future visits more convenient. • African American Gifts • African American Angels • African Art • Angels • African American Angels • Alabaster Angel Gifts • Christian Religious Plates • Frosted Angels • Glass Angel Ornaments • Glass Angels • Vases with Angels • Animals • Bears • Birds • Glass Birds • Butterflies • Cats • Cheetahs • Chickens • Cows • Deers • Dogs • Dolphins • Frosted Dolphins • Glass Dolphins • Donkeys • Doves • Dragons • Frosted Dragons • Glass Dragons • Medieval Dragons • Eagles • Alabaster Eagles • Frosted Eagles • Glass Eagles • Patriotic American Eagles • Porcelain Eagles • Elephants • Glass Elephants • Patchwork Elephants • Fish • Frogs • Gazelles • Giraffes • Horses • Leopards • Lions • Monkeys • Clocks with Monkeys • Lamps with Monkeys • Moose • Owls • Pigs • Rabbits • Rhinos • Roosters • Swans • Tigers • Turtles • Unicorns and Pegasi • Wolves • Plates Wolves • Zebras • Automobile Accessories • Baskets • Bathroom Accessories • Bells • Bird Baths • Bird Feeders • Bird Houses • Birdcages • Birthstone Gifts • Birthstone Angel Hearts • Birthstone Angel Ornaments • Birthstone Dolphins • Birthstone Glass Angel Bears • Birthstone Unicorn • Bookends • Bowls • Boxes • Heart-Shaped Boxes • Jewelry Boxes • Trinket Boxes • Brief Cases • Calendars • Camping Equipment • Candle Holders • ALL Candle Holders (long list) • Candelabras • Candle Lamps • Chandeliers and Hanging Candle Holders • Christian Religious Candle Holders • Flat Wall Sconces and Shelves • Glass Candle Holders • Hurricane Candle Holders • Lanterns • Metal Candle Holders • Novelty Candle Holders • Pillar Candle Holders • Taper Candle Holders • Votive Candle Holders • Wall-Mounted Candle Holders • Wrought Iron Candle Holders • Candles • ALL Candles (long list) • Candles with Animals • Christian Religious Candles • Christmas Candles • Eastern Candles • Floral Candles • Lighthouse Candles • Patchwork Candles • Patriotic Candles • Scented Candles • Cherubs • Chess & Checkers • Christian Religious Gifts • Christian Religious Candle Holders • Christian Religious Candles • Christian Religious Crosses • Christian Religious Plaques • Christmas Gifts • Christmas Candles • Christmas Gifts on Sale • Christmas Santa Gifts • Christmas Tree Decorations • Nativity Christmas Gifts • Snowman Christmas Gifts • Clocks • Alabaster Clocks • Celebrity Clocks • Clocks with Animals • Clocks with Monkeys • Metal Clocks • Native American Clocks • Wooden Clocks • Cushions • Decorative Vehicle Models • Decorative Ships • Glass Ships • Dolls • Dolls Stands • Japanese Dolls • Le Petite Mademoiselle Doll Collection • The Americana Sweetheart Doll Collection • The Anastasia Doll Collection • Dream Catchers • Eastern Treasures • Eastern Candles • Eastern Cork Designs • Eastern Plates • Eastern Wood Screens • Hong Tze Collection • Japanese Dolls • Oriental Jars • Oriental Vases • Fairies • Fimo Gifts • Fishing Gifts • Flowers • Glass Flowers • Fountains • Garden Gifts • Garden Statues • Home and Garden Signs • Rain Gauges • Gifts On Sale (various categories) • Glow-in-the-dark • Golfers Gifts • Halloween Gifts • Household Items • Kitchen • Coasters • Cookie Jars • Cookware • Kitchen Accessories on Sale • Miniature Tea Sets • Napkin Holders • Refrigerator Magnets • Salt & Pepper Shakers • Spoons, Knives & Other Utensils • Tabletop Sets • Trays • Sheets, Throws and Pillows • Thermometers • Imitation Jewellery (Bijouterie) • Incense • Incense Burners and Holders • Incense Powder • Key Rings, Holders, Cabinets • Knives • Lamps • Lamps with Monkeys • Letter Holders • Lighthouses • Lighthouse Candles • Luggage • Magazine Racks • Mandarin Ivory • Medieval Gifts • Medieval Dragons • Medieval Merlin • Metal Sculptures • Miniatures • Mirrors • Full-Size Wall Mirrors • Small Wall Mirrors and Decorations • Miscellaneous Carousel Items • Miscellaneous Frosted Creations • Miscellaneous Glass Gifts • Glass Hearts • Mothers Day Gifts • Musical Gifts • NASCAR Gifts • Native American Gifts • Native American Clocks • Native American Plaques • Native American Vases And Jugs • Night Lights • Office and Desk Decorations • Miniature Wall and Desk Cabinets • Oil Lamps, Oil Burners, Oil Warmers • Patriotic Gifts • Patriotic American Eagles • Patriotic Candles • Patriotic Plates • Pens • Perfume And Perfume Bottles • Photo Albums • Photo Frames • Alabaster Photo Frames • Patchwork Photo Frames • Pewter Photo Frames • Porcelain Photo Frames • Victorian Photo Frames • Wooden Photo Frames • Planters and Plant Stands • Plaques • Christian Religious Plaques • Native American Plaques • Plates • All Plates • Christian Religious Plates • Eastern Plates • Patriotic Plates • Plate Racks and Stands • Plates on Sale • Plates with Animals • Plates Wolves • Plates with Birds • Plates with Dolphins • Plates with Tigers • Plates with Flowers • Scented Oil • Screens • Eastern Wood Screens • Sculptures • Alabaster Art Sculptures • La Verona Ladies • Liberty Bronze Collection • Modern Black Porcelain Sculptures • Western Statues • Shadow Boxes • Shelves • Sipper Bottles and Mugs • Solid Fragrances, Potpourri • Stationery Items • Suncatchers • Swords • Tables • Tools • Toys • Alphabet Toys • Antique Tricycles • Baby Gifts • Soft Toys • Valentine's Day Gifts • Vases • Native American Vases And Jugs • Oriental Vases • Patchwork Vases • Vases with Angels • Victorian Gifts • Victorian Photo Frames • Wall Decorations • Flat Wall Sconces and Shelves • Full-Size Wall Mirrors • Small Wall Mirrors and Decorations • Wall Hooks and Hangers • Wall Shelves • Wall-Mounted Candle Holders • Watches • Water Globes • Weather Vanes • Wedding Gifts • Windchimes • ALL Windchimes (long list) • Acrylic Windchimes • Alabaster Windchimes • Brass Windchimes • Glass Windchimes • Metal Windchimes • Pewter Windchimes • Wood Windchimes • Yellow Metal Windchimes • Wreaths and Arches • View All Categories • Shopping Cart • Contact Us • Track Your Order • New Arrivals • Customer Testimonials • Best Price Guarantee • Product Quality And Satisfaction Guarantee Home | My Account | Affiliate Program | Terms of Use Candle Holders Lighthouses Patriotic Gifts Incense Bookends Scented Candles Birdhouses Dream Catchers Oil Lamps Dragons Night Lights Lanterns Dolphins Swords More » Price Guarantee Return Policy Shipping Methods Privacy Statement Contact Us Materials Most Popular Gifts © 2002-2005 IDF Technologies, LLC www.GenericGifts.com 510 Brighton Beach Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11235
gifts for women. At
My Word's Worth - choosing gifts for women My Word's Worth: a weekly column by Marylaine Block vol. 3 #21, November 21, 1997 ADVICE FOR DESPERATE MEN The XTC song "The World's Full of Angry Young Men" is running through my head, but the words attached to the music are "The mall's full of desperate men." As it gets closer to Christmas, the population of the mall starts changing. Early on women and teenagers predominate, but over time, there are more and more lost-looking men with that deer-caught-in-the-headlights inward-looking stare--the natural prey of eager shopkeepers who know they can sell these men absolutely anything. The problem is, of course, that when the world's tasks got divvied up by genders, women got to be the gift-givers. By and large this works out quite nicely -- at least until men need to find gifts for women. At this point, many of you are utterly clueless. You sense that whatever you give is freighted with symbolic meaning, but you have no idea what that meaning IS. You strongly suspect this is one of those little tests women put men through that you can't possibly win -- give us nothing at all, and be forever written off as insensitive dolts, or give us the wrong things and be forever written off as insensitive dolts. But we're not actually all THAT hard to please. Here are a few hints. Part of the symbolic value is that you remembered at all. So even if you screw up and select something fairly hopeless (crotchless panties are generally a mistake), we WILL give you credit for trying. After all, we have years of practice thanking little boys who give us footballs for our birthdays -- we understand that he thinks this is the finest gift anyone could ever receive. The malls are trying to sell you stuff for generic females, jewelry and perfume and nice-smelling expensive soaps and moisturizers and such, but she is NOT generic. She is a specific person with specific tastes that, yes, you should have noticed by now (and if you haven't, start looking at her closely). Don't buy earrings for her if you can't remember seeing her wearing earrings. If she does, does she like discreet little buttons, or splashy dangling ones? Show her that you pay attention to her unique interests and preferences. For example, my only real concession to feminine stuff is pretty scarves, fastened with a cat pin; anyone who gave me either a scarf or a cat pin would know that the gift will be appreciated on two levels: I'll wear it and enjoy it, and I'll be pleased that you paid attention to what I like. A gift should also indicate that you pay attention to what she says, or cares about. If she's a save-the-whales sort of person, a little gold whale charm on a chain would be a delightful present. If she couldn't stop looking at the Degas ballerina in the art museum, check out the art museum gift shop for an inexpensive print, or even Degas notecards. Did she cry her way through The Little Mermaid ? You could get her a video of it. Is she never quite warm enough? How about a pretty crocheted shawl to drape around her shoulders? Does she adore Andrew Lloyd Webber? There must be a production of his playing somewhere that you can take her to. A gift doesn't need to be expensive if it conveys the basic message, "I know who you are and I love that in you." Avoid vacuum cleaners and toaster-ovens and sewing machines, no matter how much she may actually need one. What we want is permission to stop being efficient and hardworking for a while and simply feel treasured. (Even the most competent women want to feel protected and taken care of by their menfolk.) If you're a man who understands what clothes look good on her, and you know what size she wears, you can buy her a great outfit. The implied message is "You're a damn good-looking woman, and I love to see you looking well-turned out." Of course, if, like my son, you think an orange shirt with red shorts is a nifty combination, you should avoid this route. One of the nicest gifts is your time. Arrange for someone else to take care of the kids, and take her off somewhere where you can pay uninterrupted attention to her, and she to you. There aren't enough hours in the day for us to do our work, take care of the kids, take care of our own needs, and still keep a relationship fresh. Give her time off from responsibilities and routine, and use the time to renew the romance. And whatever else you give her, add the gift of words. Tell her why you chose it specially for her. You wouldn't believe what a sucker we are for words like "This was so elegant it made me think of you," or "It reminded me of the music we danced to on our first date." If you could live your life again and you'd still fall in love with her, tell her that. Better yet, tell her that in writing. There's a reason we keep old love letters and mementos -- it's so we can read them over and over again when times are tough, and we're not getting through to each other, and we're trying to remember why it was we wanted the relationship to keep going. So go ahead, guys. Venture out into the cold and brave the alien territory of the shopping malls and exquisite little boutiques. All you have to do is remember who she is and what you love about her and what she cares about (besides you). Remember: Earth girls are easy. You get points for trying. And with these helpful hints in mind, you might pass the test this time around. Heck, you might even get an A. My Word's Worth Archive Current column Marylaine.com/ home to all my other writing NOTE: My thinking is always a work in progress. You could mentally insert all my columns in between these two sentences: "This is something I've been thinking about," and "Does this make any sense to you?" I welcome your thoughts. Please send your comments about these columns to: marylaine at netexpress.net. Since I've written a lot of these, some of them many years ago, help me out by telling me which column you're referring to. I'll write columns here whenever I really want to share an idea with you and can find time to write them . If you want to be notified when a new one is up, send me an e-mail and include "My Word's Worth" in the subject line.
Gift Ideas
Gift Ideas Catalog Home : Catalog Welcome to our catalog page. Here you can find doorways that lead directly into all of our product categories. This page will provide you with easy access to our wonderful array of products that are designed to delight the senses. Categories that are listed with bold font contain one or more sub-categories. Sub-categories may not be listed on this page. Bookmark this page to make future visits more convenient. • African American Gifts • African American Angels • African Art • Angels • African American Angels • Alabaster Angel Gifts • Christian Religious Plates • Frosted Angels • Glass Angel Ornaments • Glass Angels • Vases with Angels • Animals • Bears • Birds • Glass Birds • Butterflies • Cats • Cheetahs • Chickens • Cows • Deers • Dogs • Dolphins • Frosted Dolphins • Glass Dolphins • Donkeys • Doves • Dragons • Frosted Dragons • Glass Dragons • Medieval Dragons • Eagles • Alabaster Eagles • Frosted Eagles • Glass Eagles • Patriotic American Eagles • Porcelain Eagles • Elephants • Glass Elephants • Patchwork Elephants • Fish • Frogs • Gazelles • Giraffes • Horses • Leopards • Lions • Monkeys • Clocks with Monkeys • Lamps with Monkeys • Moose • Owls • Pigs • Rabbits • Rhinos • Roosters • Swans • Tigers • Turtles • Unicorns and Pegasi • Wolves • Plates Wolves • Zebras • Automobile Accessories • Baskets • Bathroom Accessories • Bells • Bird Baths • Bird Feeders • Bird Houses • Birdcages • Birthstone Gifts • Birthstone Angel Hearts • Birthstone Angel Ornaments • Birthstone Dolphins • Birthstone Glass Angel Bears • Birthstone Unicorn • Bookends • Bowls • Boxes • Heart-Shaped Boxes • Jewelry Boxes • Trinket Boxes • Brief Cases • Calendars • Camping Equipment • Candle Holders • ALL Candle Holders (long list) • Candelabras • Candle Lamps • Chandeliers and Hanging Candle Holders • Christian Religious Candle Holders • Flat Wall Sconces and Shelves • Glass Candle Holders • Hurricane Candle Holders • Lanterns • Metal Candle Holders • Novelty Candle Holders • Pillar Candle Holders • Taper Candle Holders • Votive Candle Holders • Wall-Mounted Candle Holders • Wrought Iron Candle Holders • Candles • ALL Candles (long list) • Candles with Animals • Christian Religious Candles • Christmas Candles • Eastern Candles • Floral Candles • Lighthouse Candles • Patchwork Candles • Patriotic Candles • Scented Candles • Cherubs • Chess & Checkers • Christian Religious Gifts • Christian Religious Candle Holders • Christian Religious Candles • Christian Religious Crosses • Christian Religious Plaques • Christmas Gifts • Christmas Candles • Christmas Gifts on Sale • Christmas Santa Gifts • Christmas Tree Decorations • Nativity Christmas Gifts • Snowman Christmas Gifts • Clocks • Alabaster Clocks • Celebrity Clocks • Clocks with Animals • Clocks with Monkeys • Metal Clocks • Native American Clocks • Wooden Clocks • Cushions • Decorative Vehicle Models • Decorative Ships • Glass Ships • Dolls • Dolls Stands • Japanese Dolls • Le Petite Mademoiselle Doll Collection • The Americana Sweetheart Doll Collection • The Anastasia Doll Collection • Dream Catchers • Eastern Treasures • Eastern Candles • Eastern Cork Designs • Eastern Plates • Eastern Wood Screens • Hong Tze Collection • Japanese Dolls • Oriental Jars • Oriental Vases • Fairies • Fimo Gifts • Fishing Gifts • Flowers • Glass Flowers • Fountains • Garden Gifts • Garden Statues • Home and Garden Signs • Rain Gauges • Gifts On Sale (various categories) • Glow-in-the-dark • Golfers Gifts • Halloween Gifts • Household Items • Kitchen • Coasters • Cookie Jars • Cookware • Kitchen Accessories on Sale • Miniature Tea Sets • Napkin Holders • Refrigerator Magnets • Salt & Pepper Shakers • Spoons, Knives & Other Utensils • Tabletop Sets • Trays • Sheets, Throws and Pillows • Thermometers • Imitation Jewellery (Bijouterie) • Incense • Incense Burners and Holders • Incense Powder • Key Rings, Holders, Cabinets • Knives • Lamps • Lamps with Monkeys • Letter Holders • Lighthouses • Lighthouse Candles • Luggage • Magazine Racks • Mandarin Ivory • Medieval Gifts • Medieval Dragons • Medieval Merlin • Metal Sculptures • Miniatures • Mirrors • Full-Size Wall Mirrors • Small Wall Mirrors and Decorations • Miscellaneous Carousel Items • Miscellaneous Frosted Creations • Miscellaneous Glass Gifts • Glass Hearts • Mothers Day Gifts • Musical Gifts • NASCAR Gifts • Native American Gifts • Native American Clocks • Native American Plaques • Native American Vases And Jugs • Night Lights • Office and Desk Decorations • Miniature Wall and Desk Cabinets • Oil Lamps, Oil Burners, Oil Warmers • Patriotic Gifts • Patriotic American Eagles • Patriotic Candles • Patriotic Plates • Pens • Perfume And Perfume Bottles • Photo Albums • Photo Frames • Alabaster Photo Frames • Patchwork Photo Frames • Pewter Photo Frames • Porcelain Photo Frames • Victorian Photo Frames • Wooden Photo Frames • Planters and Plant Stands • Plaques • Christian Religious Plaques • Native American Plaques • Plates • All Plates • Christian Religious Plates • Eastern Plates • Patriotic Plates • Plate Racks and Stands • Plates on Sale • Plates with Animals • Plates Wolves • Plates with Birds • Plates with Dolphins • Plates with Tigers • Plates with Flowers • Scented Oil • Screens • Eastern Wood Screens • Sculptures • Alabaster Art Sculptures • La Verona Ladies • Liberty Bronze Collection • Modern Black Porcelain Sculptures • Western Statues • Shadow Boxes • Shelves • Sipper Bottles and Mugs • Solid Fragrances, Potpourri • Stationery Items • Suncatchers • Swords • Tables • Tools • Toys • Alphabet Toys • Antique Tricycles • Baby Gifts • Soft Toys • Valentine's Day Gifts • Vases • Native American Vases And Jugs • Oriental Vases • Patchwork Vases • Vases with Angels • Victorian Gifts • Victorian Photo Frames • Wall Decorations • Flat Wall Sconces and Shelves • Full-Size Wall Mirrors • Small Wall Mirrors and Decorations • Wall Hooks and Hangers • Wall Shelves • Wall-Mounted Candle Holders • Watches • Water Globes • Weather Vanes • Wedding Gifts • Windchimes • ALL Windchimes (long list) • Acrylic Windchimes • Alabaster Windchimes • Brass Windchimes • Glass Windchimes • Metal Windchimes • Pewter Windchimes • Wood Windchimes • Yellow Metal Windchimes • Wreaths and Arches • View All Categories • Shopping Cart • Contact Us • Track Your Order • New Arrivals • Customer Testimonials • Best Price Guarantee • Product Quality And Satisfaction Guarantee Home | My Account | Affiliate Program | Terms of Use Candle Holders Lighthouses Patriotic Gifts Incense Bookends Scented Candles Birdhouses Dream Catchers Oil Lamps Dragons Night Lights Lanterns Dolphins Swords More » Price Guarantee Return Policy Shipping Methods Privacy Statement Contact Us Materials Most Popular Gifts © 2002-2005 IDF Technologies, LLC www.GenericGifts.com 510 Brighton Beach Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11235
gifts for women. At
My Word's Worth - choosing gifts for women My Word's Worth: a weekly column by Marylaine Block vol. 3 #21, November 21, 1997 ADVICE FOR DESPERATE MEN The XTC song "The World's Full of Angry Young Men" is running through my head, but the words attached to the music are "The mall's full of desperate men." As it gets closer to Christmas, the population of the mall starts changing. Early on women and teenagers predominate, but over time, there are more and more lost-looking men with that deer-caught-in-the-headlights inward-looking stare--the natural prey of eager shopkeepers who know they can sell these men absolutely anything. The problem is, of course, that when the world's tasks got divvied up by genders, women got to be the gift-givers. By and large this works out quite nicely -- at least until men need to find gifts for women. At this point, many of you are utterly clueless. You sense that whatever you give is freighted with symbolic meaning, but you have no idea what that meaning IS. You strongly suspect this is one of those little tests women put men through that you can't possibly win -- give us nothing at all, and be forever written off as insensitive dolts, or give us the wrong things and be forever written off as insensitive dolts. But we're not actually all THAT hard to please. Here are a few hints. Part of the symbolic value is that you remembered at all. So even if you screw up and select something fairly hopeless (crotchless panties are generally a mistake), we WILL give you credit for trying. After all, we have years of practice thanking little boys who give us footballs for our birthdays -- we understand that he thinks this is the finest gift anyone could ever receive. The malls are trying to sell you stuff for generic females, jewelry and perfume and nice-smelling expensive soaps and moisturizers and such, but she is NOT generic. She is a specific person with specific tastes that, yes, you should have noticed by now (and if you haven't, start looking at her closely). Don't buy earrings for her if you can't remember seeing her wearing earrings. If she does, does she like discreet little buttons, or splashy dangling ones? Show her that you pay attention to her unique interests and preferences. For example, my only real concession to feminine stuff is pretty scarves, fastened with a cat pin; anyone who gave me either a scarf or a cat pin would know that the gift will be appreciated on two levels: I'll wear it and enjoy it, and I'll be pleased that you paid attention to what I like. A gift should also indicate that you pay attention to what she says, or cares about. If she's a save-the-whales sort of person, a little gold whale charm on a chain would be a delightful present. If she couldn't stop looking at the Degas ballerina in the art museum, check out the art museum gift shop for an inexpensive print, or even Degas notecards. Did she cry her way through The Little Mermaid ? You could get her a video of it. Is she never quite warm enough? How about a pretty crocheted shawl to drape around her shoulders? Does she adore Andrew Lloyd Webber? There must be a production of his playing somewhere that you can take her to. A gift doesn't need to be expensive if it conveys the basic message, "I know who you are and I love that in you." Avoid vacuum cleaners and toaster-ovens and sewing machines, no matter how much she may actually need one. What we want is permission to stop being efficient and hardworking for a while and simply feel treasured. (Even the most competent women want to feel protected and taken care of by their menfolk.) If you're a man who understands what clothes look good on her, and you know what size she wears, you can buy her a great outfit. The implied message is "You're a damn good-looking woman, and I love to see you looking well-turned out." Of course, if, like my son, you think an orange shirt with red shorts is a nifty combination, you should avoid this route. One of the nicest gifts is your time. Arrange for someone else to take care of the kids, and take her off somewhere where you can pay uninterrupted attention to her, and she to you. There aren't enough hours in the day for us to do our work, take care of the kids, take care of our own needs, and still keep a relationship fresh. Give her time off from responsibilities and routine, and use the time to renew the romance. And whatever else you give her, add the gift of words. Tell her why you chose it specially for her. You wouldn't believe what a sucker we are for words like "This was so elegant it made me think of you," or "It reminded me of the music we danced to on our first date." If you could live your life again and you'd still fall in love with her, tell her that. Better yet, tell her that in writing. There's a reason we keep old love letters and mementos -- it's so we can read them over and over again when times are tough, and we're not getting through to each other, and we're trying to remember why it was we wanted the relationship to keep going. So go ahead, guys. Venture out into the cold and brave the alien territory of the shopping malls and exquisite little boutiques. All you have to do is remember who she is and what you love about her and what she cares about (besides you). Remember: Earth girls are easy. You get points for trying. And with these helpful hints in mind, you might pass the test this time around. Heck, you might even get an A. My Word's Worth Archive Current column Marylaine.com/ home to all my other writing NOTE: My thinking is always a work in progress. You could mentally insert all my columns in between these two sentences: "This is something I've been thinking about," and "Does this make any sense to you?" I welcome your thoughts. Please send your comments about these columns to: marylaine at netexpress.net. Since I've written a lot of these, some of them many years ago, help me out by telling me which column you're referring to. I'll write columns here whenever I really want to share an idea with you and can find time to write them . If you want to be notified when a new one is up, send me an e-mail and include "My Word's Worth" in the subject line.