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My Best Birthday Present - Timothy Leary My Best Birthday Present I haven't celebratedmy birthday in decades. Sure, when you're a kid it's exciting to add ayear to your age, have your parents gather your friends, blow out the candles,and get presents, but today I turn 49 and the last thing on earth I feellike doing is celebrating, much less blowing out a fire. Nothing very specialabout November 10th other than it is the day that Stanley found Livingston.Okay, I wouldn't mind a present or two, but that's more a matter of actuallyneeding stuff than thinking I deserve any sort of reward just for havingsurvived another year. I've always felt it was a wee bit egomaniacal tothrow yourself a big birthday party. Nothing wrong with celebrating others,but when it comes to celebrating yourself, it shouldn't be in public. Fifteen years ago todayit was also my birthday and, as normal, I was doing what I always do, whatI still do, what I'm doing right now, writing at my computer, with absolutelyno plans for the day. When you don't have a plan, there's nothing to deviatefrom. You can do whatever you want without fear of failure because howcan you fail when you don't have any goal in mind? Whatever happens, happens,and it's good or bad on its own terms. The higher you get your hopes up,the further you have to fall, so I never count on anything. If somethingbad happens, too bad. If something good happens, it's a gift. There was a knock atthe door. I opened it and there was Timothy Leary who said "Hi, I'm yourbirthday present." He wouldn't explain how or why this came to be, or whoin particular was bestowing him upon me. He was simply there, and he wouldhang out for at least an hour. All he would tell me was that he was toldI was someone he should meet. Whenever you meet someonefamous in a personal situation, it's hard to know how to behave, particularlyif they're enormous media stars. After all, you've spent hours gazing atthem, thinking about them, perhaps days or weeks staring at their image.Imagine the hundreds of hours you've spent with certain stars broadcastregularly into your living room. They feel like a friend, like you actuallyknow them. They're not and you don't, but it's a hard feeling to shakewhen they're standing right in front of you, coming into your house, sittingon your sofa, checking the place out while waiting for you to bring thema drink. No matter how many memories you have of them, they have none ofyou. To them, you are a total stranger. Treat them like a fan would andyou risk becoming part of their teeming crowd of lookie loos. Treat themlike you don't know who they are and they could get insulted. No way tomake a friend. Friendships deserve an even playing field, so it's hardto think of yourself as the friend of a celebrity until they know as muchabout you as you know about them. Which is why celebrities are SO interestedwhen you interrupt them somewhere in public and tell them about your uncleSid's gall bladder operation. I wanted to be friendswith Timothy Leary so he had a hell of a lot of catching up to do becausehe knew nothing about me and I knew a lot about him, or at least I thoughtI did. I shifted into show-and-tell mode, whipping out a book of Polaroidsfor him to peruse. He enjoyed my madness immensely and I proceeded to tellhim something I'm sure he heard a million times. My life was profoundlychanged by his research into psychedelia, combined with reading Tom Wolfe's"The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test," the Beatles, and meeting a guy namedMario in 1970 who claimed to be the husband of the actual Alice that ArloGuthrie sang about but who supported his acting habit by selling acid atLee Strasberg's studio where I happened to be studying at the time. But I digress. Thefirst and foremost influence that Timothy Leary had upon me was my art,which simply didn't exist. Before my first acid trip, I wasn't an artist.I had never played guitar, had certainly never created any impressionism,and hadn't written a single word other than school assignments. Maybe Iwould have discovered these talents on my own, but if my Polaroids remindyou of acid flashbacks, welcome to the club. On acid, what I do to my Polaroids,you can do to reality. Move it around a little. Make big things look small,small things look big, marvel at the infinite depths you're capable ofperceiving, as though reality were a 3D comic book and for the first timeyou were looking at it with the red-and-blue glasses. Pre-acid, I was onlyinterested in being an actor, moving to New York to study with Lee Strasberg,and getting in a Broadway play. On acid, I actually attempted to give aperformance from Spoon River Anthology in front of the man himself, a performancehe declared "interesting," a performance that convinced me that actingwas a very strange profession. While personally communicating with theinfinite miracles of the universe, I had a very hard time convincing myselfthat the most important thing I could be doing was pretending to be a fictionalcharacter while reciting dialogue written by a writer I'd never met. Post-acidI walked home from the Village to my boarding house at 39th and Park, pickedup my roommate's guitar and started playing. It wasn't long before I wasa better guitar player than actor, and I ended up composing music for severaloff-Broadway shows. Way off Broadway. The Company Theater at La Cienegaand Pico in Los Angeles to be precise. Other acid trips wereless eventful and I stopped taking it, but not before playing with my firstSX-70 Polaroid camera and discovering I didn't need acid to change realityto my own specifications. We talked and talked.He wasn't a drug addled guru and I wasn't an acid burnout. He was extremelyintelligent. My vision of Leary had been fogged by his media image, andI had forgotten that he was a Harvard professor. Luckily, some others forgottoo and that's how he escaped from prison. The most amazing story he toldme was this one... When he was bustedby the Feds for possession of one single joint of pot and sentenced to20 years in a Federal penitentiary, the prison officials did what theyalways did with new prisoners, they gave him a psychological test to determinewhether he would go to a minimum or maximum security prison. He passedthe test with flying colors and was sent to minimum security where he promptlyescaped. What the officials didn't know was that Leary himself wrote thepsychological test for the Federal prison system when still at Harvard,so he knew exactly what answers to give. After a couple hours,my birthday present had to leave, but in his new life as Hollywood gadflyI kept running into him over the years at video shows and art galleries.I'm glad he lived long enough to experience the Internet, and if you haven'tseen his site, it's still up at http://leary.com/ and well worth a peek. Excuse me, there'sthe door. Emulsional Problems

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