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My Word's Worth - choosing gifts for women My Word's Worth: a weekly column by Marylaine Block vol. 3 #21, November 21, 1997 ADVICE FOR DESPERATE MEN The XTC song "The World's Full of Angry Young Men" is running through my head, but the words attached to the music are "The mall's full of desperate men." As it gets closer to Christmas, the population of the mall starts changing. Early on women and teenagers predominate, but over time, there are more and more lost-looking men with that deer-caught-in-the-headlights inward-looking stare--the natural prey of eager shopkeepers who know they can sell these men absolutely anything. The problem is, of course, that when the world's tasks got divvied up by genders, women got to be the gift-givers. By and large this works out quite nicely -- at least until men need to find gifts for women. At this point, many of you are utterly clueless. You sense that whatever you give is freighted with symbolic meaning, but you have no idea what that meaning IS. You strongly suspect this is one of those little tests women put men through that you can't possibly win -- give us nothing at all, and be forever written off as insensitive dolts, or give us the wrong things and be forever written off as insensitive dolts. But we're not actually all THAT hard to please. Here are a few hints. Part of the symbolic value is that you remembered at all. So even if you screw up and select something fairly hopeless (crotchless panties are generally a mistake), we WILL give you credit for trying. After all, we have years of practice thanking little boys who give us footballs for our birthdays -- we understand that he thinks this is the finest gift anyone could ever receive. The malls are trying to sell you stuff for generic females, jewelry and perfume and nice-smelling expensive soaps and moisturizers and such, but she is NOT generic. She is a specific person with specific tastes that, yes, you should have noticed by now (and if you haven't, start looking at her closely). Don't buy earrings for her if you can't remember seeing her wearing earrings. If she does, does she like discreet little buttons, or splashy dangling ones? Show her that you pay attention to her unique interests and preferences. For example, my only real concession to feminine stuff is pretty scarves, fastened with a cat pin; anyone who gave me either a scarf or a cat pin would know that the gift will be appreciated on two levels: I'll wear it and enjoy it, and I'll be pleased that you paid attention to what I like. A gift should also indicate that you pay attention to what she says, or cares about. If she's a save-the-whales sort of person, a little gold whale charm on a chain would be a delightful present. If she couldn't stop looking at the Degas ballerina in the art museum, check out the art museum gift shop for an inexpensive print, or even Degas notecards. Did she cry her way through The Little Mermaid ? You could get her a video of it. Is she never quite warm enough? How about a pretty crocheted shawl to drape around her shoulders? Does she adore Andrew Lloyd Webber? There must be a production of his playing somewhere that you can take her to. A gift doesn't need to be expensive if it conveys the basic message, "I know who you are and I love that in you." Avoid vacuum cleaners and toaster-ovens and sewing machines, no matter how much she may actually need one. What we want is permission to stop being efficient and hardworking for a while and simply feel treasured. (Even the most competent women want to feel protected and taken care of by their menfolk.) If you're a man who understands what clothes look good on her, and you know what size she wears, you can buy her a great outfit. The implied message is "You're a damn good-looking woman, and I love to see you looking well-turned out." Of course, if, like my son, you think an orange shirt with red shorts is a nifty combination, you should avoid this route. One of the nicest gifts is your time. Arrange for someone else to take care of the kids, and take her off somewhere where you can pay uninterrupted attention to her, and she to you. There aren't enough hours in the day for us to do our work, take care of the kids, take care of our own needs, and still keep a relationship fresh. Give her time off from responsibilities and routine, and use the time to renew the romance. And whatever else you give her, add the gift of words. Tell her why you chose it specially for her. You wouldn't believe what a sucker we are for words like "This was so elegant it made me think of you," or "It reminded me of the music we danced to on our first date." If you could live your life again and you'd still fall in love with her, tell her that. Better yet, tell her that in writing. There's a reason we keep old love letters and mementos -- it's so we can read them over and over again when times are tough, and we're not getting through to each other, and we're trying to remember why it was we wanted the relationship to keep going. So go ahead, guys. Venture out into the cold and brave the alien territory of the shopping malls and exquisite little boutiques. All you have to do is remember who she is and what you love about her and what she cares about (besides you). Remember: Earth girls are easy. You get points for trying. And with these helpful hints in mind, you might pass the test this time around. Heck, you might even get an A. My Word's Worth Archive Current column Marylaine.com/ home to all my other writing NOTE: My thinking is always a work in progress. You could mentally insert all my columns in between these two sentences: "This is something I've been thinking about," and "Does this make any sense to you?" I welcome your thoughts. Please send your comments about these columns to: marylaine at netexpress.net. Since I've written a lot of these, some of them many years ago, help me out by telling me which column you're referring to. I'll write columns here whenever I really want to share an idea with you and can find time to write them . If you want to be notified when a new one is up, send me an e-mail and include "My Word's Worth" in the subject line.

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Kenyon College - Gift funds new faculty award Calendar | Contact Kenyon | Search | Parents | Alumni | Current Students | Faculty & Staff | Community Fortnightly, September 12, 2005 Fortnightly, August 29, 2005 Fortnightly, May 16, 2005 Fortnightly, May 3, 2005 Fortnightly, April 18, 2005 Fortnightly, April 4, 2005 Fortnightly, March 21, 2005 Fortnightly, February 28, 2005 Fortnightly, February 16, 2005 Fortnightly, January 31, 2005 Fortnightly, January 17, 2005 Fortnightly, November 29, 2004 Fortnightly, November 8, 2004 Fortnightly, October 25, 2004 Fortnightly, October 11, 2004 Fortnightly, September 27, 2004 Fortnightly, September 13, 2004 Fortnightly, August 30, 2004 Fortnightly, May 17, 2004 Kenyon receives $1.5 million from Howard Hughes Medical Institute Treasury secretary to speak at Commencement Five faculty members named to endowed chairs Gift funds new faculty award Reunion Weekend coming Kenyon Beat People Searches Profile Sports: Carr wins all-district honors Submissions Fortnightly, May 3, 2004 Fortnightly, April 19, 2004 Fortnightly, April 5, 2004 Fortnightly, March 22, 2004 Fortnightly, March 1, 2004 Fortnightly, February 16, 2004 Fortnightly, February 2, 2004 Fortnightly, January 19, 2004 Fortnightly, December 1, 2003 Fortnightly, November 10, 2003 Fortnightly, October 13, 2003 Fortnightly, September 29, 2003 Fortnightly, September 15, 2003 Fortnightly, September 2, 2003 About Kenyon Academics Admissions Athletics Student Life News & Events Giving to Kenyon Home » Fortnightly, May 17, 2004 » Gift funds new faculty award Gift funds new faculty award Jon Chun, the cofounder and former chief executive officer of a Silicon Valley security software startup, has surprised and delighted Kenyon with a gift of more than $100,000 to endow a competitive award supporting faculty research. The Dr. Newton Chun Award will be granted every other year, funding scholarly investigation and artistic projects of exceptional merit and promise. "The hallmark of Kenyon is the quality of its teaching," said President S. Georgia Nugent. "For our faculty to continue to be effective teachers, they must be encouraged and supported in their own intellectual development. The Dr. Newton Chun Award is a most welcome addition in this quest. I look forward to the diversity of projects this fund will inspire." The College plans to make the first award in the spring of 2005. Preference will be given to projects that could not be accomplished without this additional financial support. The award, totaling approximately $10,000, will underwrite expenses such as travel, materials and equipment, and research-assistant costs. Chun named the award in honor of his father, Newton Chun, a physician who yearned to be an academic. A native of Dubuque, Iowa, Jon Chun attended the University of California at Berkeley as an engineering student and went on to study medicine. As a successful technology entrepreneur, he cofounded SafeWeb, which provides secure remote access into corporate networks using only a Web browser. Chun is now a director at Symantec, the world leader in Internet security, which acquired SafeWeb in October 2003. He is married to Katherine Elkins, Andrew W. Mellon assistant professor of IPHS at Kenyon. Kenyon College. Gambier, Ohio 43022-9623 Phone: 740-427-5000

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Unique Gift Ideas, Jigsaw Puzzles & Speciality Toys Clever gifts, unique games, unusual toys and original puzzles. My Shopping Cart, 0 Items Home Unique Gifts Games Arts and Crafts Kids Puzzles Clearance Search keyword / item #: UNIQUE GIFTS Exclusive Gifts For the perfect party For Your Pet Only available here Halloween Fun Shop Gifts under $10 Best Sellers New On Sale Gag Gifts Collegiate Back to School Nostalgic VHS/DVD Collections Personalized Rest and Relaxation Licensed Products Gadgets For the Home For Kids For Her For Him GAMES ARTS AND CRAFTS KIDS PUZZLES CLEARANCE ONLINE SPECIALS GUARANTEED LOWEST PRICE ONLINE EXCLUSIVES SALE NEW PRODUCTS Home > Unique Gifts | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next NEW! Farting Toilet Paper Cover Truly tasteless fun: pull the paper and let one rip! Drips Of Blood, Set of 4,18X11Sheet Add gory dripping "blood" to any wall or window, indoors or out. RCA Lawton Turntable Bye-bye boring stereo-in-a-box. Hello vintage-look RCA Victrola with modern technology, including CD! $14.95 $19.95 $299.95 In Stock In Stock In Stock NEW! NEW! Pepsi Vending Machine Personal soda machine lets you enjoy an ice-cold drink whenever you want! Chaos Tower Build perpetual motion towers up to 6 feet high! Flying Witch Scary witch comes to life as it flies across your lawn! $199.95 $139.95 $29.95 In Stock In Stock In Stock NEW! 12-in-1 Wooden Game Table Our amazing 12-in-1 cherry finished wood game table fits any decor, entertains the whole family, looks great! Personalized Tavern Beer Glasses These personalized beer glasses make the perfect thirst-quenching gift! Fold A Hoop Indoor Game Shoot a game of hoops indoors, then fold it up and hide it away. $199.95 $49.95 $199.95 In Stock In Stock In Stock 1 to 9 of 407 items | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next Track Your Order | Customer Service | About Us | My Account | My Shopping Cart Privacy Policy | Shipping Costs & Times | Affiliate Program | Site Map © 2004 Spilsbury © 2004 Spilsbury --

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